[BURNT OUT]

I think I am completely burnt out.

I have no energy to do anything these days....my social life exploded and now I'm starting to examine the rubble...sifting through what I should keep and what I should throw out. I got tired of obligatory parties and finally just learned how to say no or how to prioritize my health before partying....and people don't understand.

For the sake of (less) argument...I just say "I'm getting old." Then they (often 25-30 year olds) scoff at me contemptuously.

It was so nice to visit Brento-sama's place in Toda-Koen and just ....chill. Like college days! Although with unwanted drama....ugh.....but i realize how jaded i'd become recently. I used to have such a positive outlook on life. But it happens everytime I go through major changes....I become jaded for awhile and then realize that it's ridiculous because life has so much to offer and I'll be perky in no time.

Feelin better already. =)

[gentlemen]

When/if I ever do meet a gentleman in Japan......I can't get over it.

It's the little things.....not the belittling things.....He opens the door for me or offers me water if i'm hangin out w/people at their place.....such simple simple little things I had never noticed before I now revere in stark comparison with the rest of the assholes (meaning foreigners since I have little to no experience w/japanese guys).

And usually they're from Cali.

*sigh*

I wanna go home.

[being white washed]

I was reading this blog and it struck me how odd it was that he, along with another guy, and so many others....call themselves "white-washed" when their blog entries, as well as daily speech, is riddled with fob tendencies toward misuse of very common, English idioms and gramatical.....deviances? Basically they make up their own version of English. Call it Engrish, Foblish, whatever you like. But don't call it white-washed.

Lets break it down....HOW is the term used?

1) It's a form of judgment used by asians to outcast people they feel do not hold their cultural identities at high priority or closely enough....
To which I say::
a) who the hell are you to judge?

b) get over yourself. Don't *hate* on us just because some of us actually have the guts to talk to white people whereas you are deathly afraid of them.

2) It's used by people who are NOT in fact "white-washed" to refer to themselves once they have been outcast by these cultural authorities for passing on badminton try outs.

To me, "white washed" used to mean the girls who dyed their hair blonde and literally HUNG OUT with the white folk exclusively....completely denying themselves of Asian contact within a social context.

Now I see it in reference to ANYONE who dyes their hair, ANYONE who talks to white people, ANYONE who doesn't dress like they came fresh off a plane straight from the mainland. Since when did white-washed people have accents and use grossly incorrect phrases such as....."I weighted myself.......I watched stand out comedy....." etc? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this....but if you proudly carry the title around like a badge of honor when in fact its original purpose was to condemn......Please. Don't belittle yourself. Either use it correctly within its proper, derogatory context or just don't use it at all.

It could be likely that there was a sociological terminology recall on the term "white washed" just as "black" was changed from having negative meaning, to positive with the "black is beautiful campaign." Was there a "white washed is beautiful" campaign I was completely unaware of? Let us celebrate our blonde highlights....

Basically, cultural identity is a personal issue....it's irritating to me when someone else judges another Asian person based on their own subjective set of rules....what makes someone...not-white washed? Who is this person in posession of the properly honed amount of Asian culture......is it language dependent? Or how much cultural history you can spout about your ancestral homeland? Is it if you "wRitE lyKe DiS cUZ iTs sOo fUcKIn aNnOYiNg" ???

Speaking of which....which letters do they chose to capitalize? I could never figure out if it was some type of specific code/font where u capitalize every third letter or something.....or maybe it's just basic stupidity. And doesn't the fact that it takes 10 minutes to write 5 words get annoying? Or is that their speed of thought? *smirk*

I'm such a bitch sometimes. >=)

My *womanly pains* are unbearable. This heat is unbearable. My face is melting. dying. slowly. painfully. dissolving into a puddle.....thanks for reading my useless, bitchy drivel. I love you ;-)