[BURNT OUT]

I think I am completely burnt out.

I have no energy to do anything these days....my social life exploded and now I'm starting to examine the rubble...sifting through what I should keep and what I should throw out. I got tired of obligatory parties and finally just learned how to say no or how to prioritize my health before partying....and people don't understand.

For the sake of (less) argument...I just say "I'm getting old." Then they (often 25-30 year olds) scoff at me contemptuously.

It was so nice to visit Brento-sama's place in Toda-Koen and just ....chill. Like college days! Although with unwanted drama....ugh.....but i realize how jaded i'd become recently. I used to have such a positive outlook on life. But it happens everytime I go through major changes....I become jaded for awhile and then realize that it's ridiculous because life has so much to offer and I'll be perky in no time.

Feelin better already. =)

[gentlemen]

When/if I ever do meet a gentleman in Japan......I can't get over it.

It's the little things.....not the belittling things.....He opens the door for me or offers me water if i'm hangin out w/people at their place.....such simple simple little things I had never noticed before I now revere in stark comparison with the rest of the assholes (meaning foreigners since I have little to no experience w/japanese guys).

And usually they're from Cali.

*sigh*

I wanna go home.

[being white washed]

I was reading this blog and it struck me how odd it was that he, along with another guy, and so many others....call themselves "white-washed" when their blog entries, as well as daily speech, is riddled with fob tendencies toward misuse of very common, English idioms and gramatical.....deviances? Basically they make up their own version of English. Call it Engrish, Foblish, whatever you like. But don't call it white-washed.

Lets break it down....HOW is the term used?

1) It's a form of judgment used by asians to outcast people they feel do not hold their cultural identities at high priority or closely enough....
To which I say::
a) who the hell are you to judge?

b) get over yourself. Don't *hate* on us just because some of us actually have the guts to talk to white people whereas you are deathly afraid of them.

2) It's used by people who are NOT in fact "white-washed" to refer to themselves once they have been outcast by these cultural authorities for passing on badminton try outs.

To me, "white washed" used to mean the girls who dyed their hair blonde and literally HUNG OUT with the white folk exclusively....completely denying themselves of Asian contact within a social context.

Now I see it in reference to ANYONE who dyes their hair, ANYONE who talks to white people, ANYONE who doesn't dress like they came fresh off a plane straight from the mainland. Since when did white-washed people have accents and use grossly incorrect phrases such as....."I weighted myself.......I watched stand out comedy....." etc? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this....but if you proudly carry the title around like a badge of honor when in fact its original purpose was to condemn......Please. Don't belittle yourself. Either use it correctly within its proper, derogatory context or just don't use it at all.

It could be likely that there was a sociological terminology recall on the term "white washed" just as "black" was changed from having negative meaning, to positive with the "black is beautiful campaign." Was there a "white washed is beautiful" campaign I was completely unaware of? Let us celebrate our blonde highlights....

Basically, cultural identity is a personal issue....it's irritating to me when someone else judges another Asian person based on their own subjective set of rules....what makes someone...not-white washed? Who is this person in posession of the properly honed amount of Asian culture......is it language dependent? Or how much cultural history you can spout about your ancestral homeland? Is it if you "wRitE lyKe DiS cUZ iTs sOo fUcKIn aNnOYiNg" ???

Speaking of which....which letters do they chose to capitalize? I could never figure out if it was some type of specific code/font where u capitalize every third letter or something.....or maybe it's just basic stupidity. And doesn't the fact that it takes 10 minutes to write 5 words get annoying? Or is that their speed of thought? *smirk*

I'm such a bitch sometimes. >=)

My *womanly pains* are unbearable. This heat is unbearable. My face is melting. dying. slowly. painfully. dissolving into a puddle.....thanks for reading my useless, bitchy drivel. I love you ;-)

[boys]

Please forgive me for the completely juvenille and high school nature of this entry.

Phoebe: So....you feel any better about Ross?

Rachel: *sigh* There aren't enough stores in Manhattan

Ah yes....men....the prospect of love. One I have completely ABANDONED in the recent weeks....and as I've given up hope on love and let myself GO......I mean go....drinking, partying every weekend....shopping sprees and late night veg sessions with ally mcbeal and excessive amounts of junk food from the convenience stores....

ARgh....I'm in this shitty shitty place with love. I hate men but then it's like u can't be friendly without them trying something and getting the wrong idea. How does Amy do it? I must take lessons from her....she is so sweet and kind to everyone while still making sure to keep things platonic.....and the woman is HOT!!!!

@Q)#($*@#)($*#)($*)(#*$ I don't want men but I'm angry I will be lonely for the rest of my life and have no chance to give my all to a family and kids.

And I want a wedding dammit. *sigh* I HATE LOVE!!!!!!

[it's aiko!]

I adore this picture

[purikura]

[so innocent...]

[GIRLFIGHT!]

---

[HARDCORE]





**Blondes DO have more fun ^_~**

[just can't get enough]

So after an exhausting Saturday....I had my Sunday and Monday to recover....

however.

My roomies are too much fun and Monday we had yummy kaiten sushi in Harajuku...followed by a massive shopping spree in Shibuya and a crazy purikura session with hilarious wigs lol. (will post soon). Not to be outdone.....we couldn't wrap it up without some partying....



[Roomies!]

Aiko's friend Daisuke (so cute) asked if she wanted to go to a drum and bass party in Azabu-juban (close to roppongi...super nice area) and as we sat in Royal Host (family restaurant) eating food we had no idea as to why we ordered....we decided yes, yes we should go out, the 3 of us, before we ran out of opportunities. (they're leaving me end of august!!! >_<)

---

Tee(after looking at the picture on the camera):: "WHY did no one tell me i looked like shit?"
Aiko:: "Well if you make a face like that...."

---

HAhaha The club was pretty sweet. The decor was pretty awesome.

---

But fun as it was....we weren't really feeling the music after Daisuke's set...so we left for Lexington Queens....Now, "the Lex" is infamous for having large crowds of foreigners there and the nomihodi....not to mention, girls get in for 100 yen (1 dollar) on certain nights. w00t! We were so afraid that it was going to be closed (since it was a National Holiday/Monday night) but it was poppin!

We were just starting to get into the music when Aiko bumped into some old middle/high school friends (She went to an american middle/high school in japan) At first I thought the guy was pretty cute....tall, lean, spiky hair, decent dresser...until he opened his mouth and revealed the true insecurity inside....and mentioned he was a lawyer about 3092840293843 times. I was drunk by this point and as he rambled on and on, grew increasingly sarcastic with each disgusting boast falling from his mouth.

[The Adventures of Aiko and Tee]]
Lily felt really tired....=( So she went home once the first train started. However, I was really drunk and felt shafted this weekend...going out so much and never getting to actually dance....so Aiko and I decided to stay. The last few songs were slow songs (BOO) and the guy grabs Aiko and although it was not really visible on the dance floor of crowded people...I'm pretty sure he tried to make a move on his high school crush. (so obvious)

Afterwards, we were starving but exhausted and so ready to go home. I was beginning to grow irrate with her old classmate and began tossing out sarcastic, smart ass remarks (as I do when feeling uninhibited) and as we were waiting for our train....he physically removes us and forces us onto the train for tsukiji (where his friends are). He was (truly) still stuck in high school. I must've heard him repeat the same high school drama over and over and over again.

Lily has some photos on her camera of me and the so called "lawyer" who's still a law student probably doing bitch work for the partners, one of which wants to supposedly *fuck him* as he told us several times. In fact, that appeared to be his favorite word of the night.....if I had a hundred yen for everytime he said "FUCK OFF" ....guess its a british thing. =P I wonder if being an asshole is part of british male society as well? I *daresay* I haven't had much luck with good *blokes* from the Isles....

[exhausting saturday night]

[The Saturday night that WOULD NOT END]

10am-6pm work

8pm-11pm drinking at the Izekaya for Mayumi's farewell

11pm-2am karaoke

2am-4am clubbing @ Harlem

4am-pass out at Masa's in Takedanobaba

1pm...thai food+happy toilet time on my knees


Pictures toward the beginning/more sober part of the evening....



We caught Mayumi off guard! Puahaha. It was her farewell we all drank to and karaoked to.



Silly Miho



YAY BEERU! They don't do sake bombs here....so we taught them how kakaka


I have GOT to get more rest....I'm sooo tired from this weekend. (as is my wallet) Most people go home after the karaoke part at 2am but noooo I had to cab it to Shibuya for some dancin! Originally I was going to cab it to Shibuya then take bus to Ageha but that was a little too crazy....even for my irrational drunk ass.

The trouble with being social is that its hard to take that intimate, one-on-one time so neccesary to our personal sanity.....I always vowed that I would not be one of those presidents who wouldn't hang out with members after meetings....bosses who didn't spend time with their co-workers. I intended to stay social both at and off work.

However....I understand now why people have such neccesity to maintain their privacy and personal time. IT'S EXHAUSTING! Especially after a massive party night and paying my first respects to the Japanese porcelain gods(I forgot how gross throwing up pure alkie could be)...then following it up with what I thought would be a relaxing Sunday night at Amy and James' house.

They are what I'd define as one of the ultimate corporate couples....both have been in Japan for awhile and are both well established within the older circles of NOVA workers....they work for Foreign Personel....the office we call when we're late, the office that handles the housing, the office that keeps track of pay checks....and thusly all the present company were titled instructors, probably AAM's and lots of trainers from all over greater Tokyo.....EXHAUSTING.

I am so tired of trying to please people all the time. I'm just....tired in general. *yawn* maybe i shouldn't sleep at 4 or 5am every night @_@